Thursday Scribblings 30.10.14

5. Living with myself- the final vice i relish.

I was always the one who preferred hiding behind curtains whenever a visitor came, there were too many to attend them in my home. I was terribly shy till I joined my first job as a counselor, that somehow changed my personality a bit. Because I had to talk with stark strangers with warmth and convince them to join the courses. I was a total failure because I was never the one to hoodwink someone so to my utmost joy they shifted me to the accounts department later. They wanted someone trustworthy with that monstrous amount of moolah, because they used to come and go from Durgapur. Sometimes I had to keep more than a lakh rupee and I really, really hated it because I had to leave it in the office, there was no way I was about to carry it home! So, I used to pass restless nights before I could see my boss next morning. Well, that is something totally different.

My shy nature and Burdwan home worked as a perfect recipe for my present nature, totally content with own company.

I dont need anyone and I really dont think/hope I ever will. But for my own sake and wellbeing I dont have any allergy or anger or hatred for fellow human beings, I just dont need them around me, and in past years some poisonous creatures have infiltrated my barrier of shyness, silence only to betray me really monstrously, so being a sane person i keep all human beings a few feet away, I dont compromise my feelings or safety with them, not any more, somehow I really dont think the people who will ultimately show up in my closer circle wont be worth it, those snakes will take care of that. They will scare off any normal creature or spill their poison in their veins. These peoples will give demons of hell a run if monstrosity is compared, they dont have any shame, any humanity, any remorse anything nice in them, so normal human beings are no match for them.

They must have thought that if they erase every normal human being from my life I will turn to them or start suffering from melancholia ha! If only they have known that i have always lived on my own almost fully. ;p

It is good to mix with others, but dont be desperate for it! That is all I have to say. I too loved mixing with others but was never desperate for it. That became my strongest trait when life became insane.

Thursday Scribblings 3.4.14


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